her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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