Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
