so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize