Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
