this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
found the other keg... it's in the tree
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
