Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
