I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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