I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
