does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
