Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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