How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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