Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
