I'm jealous of your bromance
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
