Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
