I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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