You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Threesome in a minivan. New low
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
