There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
