I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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