Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
