You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
