I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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