mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It's just like the Real World with babies
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
