did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
