I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
