successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
