So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
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