He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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