I smell stomach acid.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My balls are so social today.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
