You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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