It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
