So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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