i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
