his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
This baby is an asshole
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
