Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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