no, he came in my armpit
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
