Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
