I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
