she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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