He kissed a someone with a penis
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
