break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
