Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
