I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
