Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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