dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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