I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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