Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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