I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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