How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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