I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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