question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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