so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
