i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My feet surprised me
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
