We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I think I just sharted jello shots
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
