Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
