They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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