i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
