Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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