Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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