You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
