He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
