Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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