Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
